How to tell my partner I am pregnant?!
Always a question in the back of the minds of many. It’s no different when you are facing an unplanned pregnancy. What if I tell him and he leaves? What if he stays? What if he makes me have an abortion? What if he makes me keep it? What if?
In my experience, most women are afraid to tell their partner’s they are pregnant due to fear of them leaving. Some worry that he will think it’s not his or accuse her of that. Others worry that if he does say he’ll stay, he really wont and leave anyway at some point.
Some women seem to fear that facing an unplanned pregnancy may show a crack in the relationship. That maybe they have two different beliefs and that it will affect their relationship in the future. Some women want to abort while their partner wants them to parent, and vice versa.
Whether you are planning to parent or not, it is important to have an idea of what you want first, then broach the subject with your S.O. It’s important to be completely honest and open and most definitely have this convo fact-to-face. It’s important to be able to gage each other’s reactions, but to also be non-judgmental and hear each other out.
No matter if you are excited, confused, scared, upset or anything in between, this is not easy news to hear . . . or tell. So be sensitive to each other’s feelings and wants. Sometimes it’s easier to practice with a close friend you trust and that you know is not going to judge you. It’s a plus if they know your boo as well, so they can help assess how he may react to certain things.
Its important that you both approach this with openness, honesty, and a willingness to problem-solve with your partner. Remember, they weren’t expecting this news either.
When you break the news, try and refrain from physical touch. This gives him the opportunity to react and for you to see if his words are matching his voice and expressions. Once the pregnancy is announced, you can hug, cry, laugh, and panic together.
Telling your S.O. you are preggers is not something that should be done over a latte, but rather in a place where you are both comfortable (like your home or his). It is very important to tell your partner about a pregnancy while you’re still shocked, as he needs the opportunity to join in on the surprise as soon as possible for you to get on the same page!
Since this pregnancy involves both of you, and it does involve both of you, bring up all the issues that you might each feel worried about and discuss both sides of the coin.
- What are your options and fears surrounding having the baby or terminating the pregnancy?
- Where are you going to get the money to abort/parent?
- Are you ready to be in each other’s lives forever?
- Are you scared your choice will cause backlash from your family/friends/self?
With the shock of it all still fresh, the news may cause a turbulence of emotions. (come on, it’s kind of expected, right?!) If this spawns an argument, try taking a break and revisiting things in a few days once you’ve both processed the situation a bit more.
It is important to not make any decisions out of anger, frustration, fear or panic. This can cause a multitude of issues later on, for both you as a couple and you as an individual. It’s also important to spell it out for each other, so that there is no chance for miscommunication.
We hear a lot of S.O.’s say that they “support whatever she decides.” That’s all well a good, but it’s soooooooooooooo not helpful! What helps is hearing what you really feel, think, fear and get excited about.
Unplanned doesn’t always equal impossible or unwanted. Just means your life is taking you in a direction you weren’t planning on going. Now it’s up to you to decide where it goes from there.
It is also to find out exactly how far along you are and what is going on inside your uterus. Find a free center (like ours) that will offer free pregnancy testing and ultrasound confirmation. This is important no matter what decision you make! Your pregnancy test at home may have come up positive, but there isn’t a pregnancy inside the uterus (this could be for many reasons, some life threatening). You may not be as far along or may be further along than you initially thought.
Free centers are also great because they can be a safe place to communicate openly and ask questions about what resources are in your area based on the decision you are considering.
Only you can make the best decision for you, as you are the one who has to live with it and only you know what you can handle. So take a minute, breathe and talk it over. You are not alone in this!